So I’m up early this morn (yes it’s 8.30am and I know for most this means a lie in) but I’m on a week off from work and this is early for my body at the moment, as all it seems to want to do is (slightly) waddle, sleep and GROW IN SIZE!
So a week off from work is great. I needed it. A change will do me good!
I start a new job next week.
Then, we move house the following week too! (I hope! With three house sales previously going down the swanny, you can understand if I’m a little anxious about sale number four!)
It’s bad times when even Susan, your financial advisor points out…Rosemary you don’t do things by halves…a job change, a house move and a new baby within the space of 3 months! Which is very bloody true. lol!
Actually when she said that, I had a little reflective moment (going deep here, be warned!)
I have a tendency to do things all at bloody once and once the decision is made, there’s no going back and God forbid you try to change my mind!
This approach was applied to a move to Belfast and a change of job 'out of the blue'…8 years ago lol.
I had a perfectly good job and was shacked up in my mummy and daddies house loving life and my new found bank balance with no bills and a good wage, but hey a change would do me good then too!
This quickly followed with a change of career. I spontaneously decided that I wanted to be a Therapist (one that was also a Social Worker too) and so started a journey of training, that has yet to end!
This quickly led into a slight break with a long term boyfriend (it's okay- it all worked out in the end! lol) only to then 9 months later get back together, buy a house, get engaged and married within 2 years. I then left a well- paid job, to move into a much less well paid job (for sanity purposes lol), then reduced my hours and started a new business all at once, and hey presto now we are having a baby!
Yes…all of that once after the other...I shit you not!
AND we are still doing the same thing- making huge life changing decisions- only this time I’m pregnant and I’m moving at the slow pace of a growing whale lol!
But the funny thing is, none of the above has ever really fazed me, but the little things do.
Big decisions- for me, they are wee buns. But the little things- they are huge fecking cake sized buns!
And this is what I’m going to yack about today…the little things over the last month or so of pregnancy that freaked the shit out of me. I hope it'll give you a laugh!
Let’s start with TIGER BREAD! A wonderful and tasty creation which you can find in the bakery aisle of all well-known supermarkets, yet something very similar has occurred ON MY SKIN!
Getting out of bed a couple of weeks ago, as with most preggers people, my PJ top had cropped up a little as I continued to fight the fact that it no longer fitted over my bump lol.
As the light through the yonder window broke, there they were. What appeared to be long stripes resembling that of the beautiful tiger variety...fucking stretch marks!
Not one or two but an entire lower back full of stretch marks, like someone had just clawed me to death! (no over dramatisation here!)
Of course, I moved from side to side just to check it definitely wasn’t the creases of the bed clothes still stuck to my body (yeh right) but nope, they didn't budge!
I thought to myself, Jesus Christ I look like a loaf of feckin' Tiger Bread! WTF?!
Surely this couldn’t be normal..sure there’s none on my stomach, which is where the baby bloody is lol! (well not exactly…you know what I mean)
I picked up the phone to my sister and sent her a pic of an actual tiger bread loaf do demonstrate the likeness (carefully selected over google images) and asked her, was this normal to have on your back, during preggers-ville? To which she replied yes and was clearly laughing at my naivety and use of said image!
So now I am convinced that my baby has already adopted my personality traits, before hitting 7 months in the womb- the first personality trait being ‘SARCASM!’, as only the day before, I had been talking to another mum-to-be about how the old stretch marks hadn’t arrived to my door and yet all along, my little boy/girl-to-be was having a right old party stretching out my entire back. lol!
I am certain that he or she was pissing themselves laughing in there, whilst I cackled on to the other mum-to -be, about my stretch mark free bod!
Is this a prediction of what’s to come when little man/woman arrives? Mischief? I'd say so...
Brings a whole new meaning to what my Ma used to say, ‘You’d need eyes in the back of your head!’. I literally did! Haha!
So two weeks on, I’m still slapping on the ‘Derma-Mum’, apparently an excellent moisturising product to prevent your entire body turning into a bread loaf! I think it’s working, a little…
So here my friends, is my evidence showing how the smaller things in preggers-life…such as stretch marks which I can’t even freagin see, are major life changing moments for me, as they subtly tell me 'YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE SOMEONES MOTHER, HOLY SHIT!', despite being in the midst of changing job, moving house and spending all our savings to do so! (sure they're wee buns)
And yes before you all say it, I know I am a weirdo lol! But hey wouldn’t life be boring if we were all the bloody same!
So here are some other things which have made it to the list of smaller things which I find to be huge, thought provoking and sometimes annoying during pregnancy:
Kicks. I’m still sitting on the fence as to whether these scare the bayjasus out of me or whether I quite like them!
Big knickers! Yes I’ve had to succumb to the fact that I no longer fit into those which are appealing to the eye. My underwear now resembles a series of windbreakers, similar to the one once used by my Mummy to shield us on the beach! Yes that’s how big they are…attractive #NOT
HUGE night dresses! I told my mummy a few weeks ago there was no way I’d be wearing one of those things…fast forward 2 weeks and it has happened. I no longer fit comfortably into previous PJ’s therefore have resorted to large night dresses which I will never show to anyone ever!
Well intended articles about parenthood, how it changes you bla, bla, bla, bla…ironically I am aware that in some way I am doing this by writing a blog, but I like to think of this, as a bit of craic, something that gives you a laugh about some of the shitty changes that happen when one is carrying a human lol. But recently I have come across such a surge of well-meaning know-it-alls, telling you how you should do this, do that, breath this way, breath that way and this morning I was particularly taken by the image (on FB) of a new mum sitting on her bed, in front of a mirror, looking at herself and wondering where her ‘old self’ went!
Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that things change after a baby, or after any big life changing event for that matter…but fuck sake…give it a rest!
Do I need to know in advance, that I’ll ‘yearn’ for my former self? NO! Do I really need to know that if I breath this way or bend my leg into that unnatural looking Yoga position during pregnancy, that my baby will come out as a happy-clappy-chanting-chappy and swim through life like Dory the fish, without a care in the world? NO!
I’m quite happy to toddle along and take advice from people I actually know! So…advice givers/authors/preachy people…thank you, but be mindful that what you say- no matter how small-can have a big impact! Instead why not spread the cheer and laugh about it all instead! I know I do!
Lots of love,
Rosemary (the pink haired gal who just so happens to be pregnant too!)