The Perks of Pregnancy!....DO NOT READ IF EASILY OFFENDED BY CARROTS!

October 15, 2016

So today I realised that I probably needed to write another blog...not for you lol...for me...and to maintain my sanity! Last night, a good friend called around to the house and the poor gal asked how the pregnancy was going lol poor poor gal!

I don't think I drew breath as I answered her and after a lengthy conversation about the perks and discussion around the not-so-perky boobs you gain through pregnancy, my lack of sleep, increase in pee-ing and how I've turned into what feels like a fire breathing dragon, with heartburn, I felt relieved!

Afterwards, my hubby chirps up saying...."maybe you need to write one of those blog thingys again...to vent ye know? Haha!" And for a second I thought he was right, then I forgot all about it!

 

So this morning, I got up, decided to skip the gym, as I'd done a few classes already this week and I decided in my adult wisdom to make a healthy soup for lunch, to cancel out the guilt of cancelling the gym!

So I took out a bag of carrots and hey presto...a very special carrot revealed itself!...in the shape of a willy! (see pic)

 

 

Much to my amusement, I marched up the stairs with said willy-shaped carrot to show my hubby, whilst I broke down in laughter, tears tripping me (it gets worse). I then proceeded to forward a pic of said willy-shaped carrot to my sister, mother and best friends thinking how very funny it all was! (It gets worse again) Then I sent an updated pic of willy-shaped carrot now chopped up and boiling in my freshly made soup! My sister was the only one to ask? 'WTF??' Everyone else politely entertained me!

 

It was at that point I thought, Jesus Christ I am bored, pregnancy really is boring and I replied to my sister, 'The monotony of pregnancy has resulted in the fact that I am now easily amused and entertained by a willy-shaped carrot! oh dear" lol!

 

So I thought I'd write about it, because I don't think people actually tell you about that..the boredom...and a few other things too! Now don't get me wrong, I KNOW not everyone finds it boring, that lots of people find the 9 months fly by (slightly more though isn't it really lol?), they don't mind not drinking, smoking, being able to stay out all night...but I do!

 

And at this stage I'd like to announce, I am not down nor depressed about being preggers! After my last couple of blogs, I received lots of emails/comments, some hilarious, many encouraging and a few well meaning emails etc offering 'support and advice', from those who assumed that I was down or low, all because I had been candid about pregnancy and why not everyone loves it (because they don't lol #fact).  

I thank all those who did email, whether it was to offer support, have a giggle at the blog, or to cheer me on, but please remember...don't assume there's always something behind the scenes, some people just call a spade...a spade! And I for one definitely call a spade...a spade! lol

 

Anyway Happy reading!

 

I'm very lucky that my sisters and the Mothership were very blunt in relaying their experiences to me, of general pregnancy and birth. A bit like myself, they call it like it is, which I prefer, but yet I still find that there's so many little things that people never tell you, some quite hilarious too! So I thought I'd draw up a list:

 

1) You will miss the alcohol...especially on XFactor nights, when only the drink could shield you from the horrendous wailing of Louis Walsh's next protege!

2) You will get a hairy bloody belly!!!! WTF!

3) You will miss having sight of your feet...say goodbye around the 4 month mark, especially if you are below the shoe size 5 lol! It's an emotional moment!

4) Despite knowing you are larger than normal, your spacial awareness is shite! You will try to pass someone at the table, on the bus, in the office and knock them clean off their feet..not with your stunning new found 'glow' but with your belly! Then you realise..oh yes, I forgot...I have a large bump on the front of my body! Easily done eh?!

5) You will attend the gym and realise that again you have forgotten about the bump...that the reason you cannot bend over is because IT'S THERE! or the reason your foot is killing you, while your trying to balance the rest of your ever growing body, in bird pose, on that one foot, is because YOUR BUMP IS THERE AND GROWING!!!!

6) Whilst we are on the topic of feet...you will need to sit down to put your shoes and socks on too. 

7) Your boobs will multiply...2 become 4! Because your wearing a bra that's now too small, but you're in denial lol

8) Maternity bra's are gross....imagine Madonna, in that funky cone styled bra from the 80's, singing 'Like a Virgin'...remember...yeh you've got it? Well you won't look like that! Think more along the lines of 'LIKE A GRANNY' BRA, with some fetching clasps to the side for future breast feeding and pumping! Practical yet disturbing all at once lol...unfortunately the aches and pains of boob growth will convince you to buy one!

On the plus side, at least you'll be back to displaying 2 relatively normal if not slightly larger boobs, rather than 2 bulging ones fighting to get out and resulting in looking like you have 4 instead!

9) You will feel like your bladder has reduced to the size of a pea! Hence your midnight, 2am, 4am, 6am and 7am trips to the bathroom! But it's your little bambino reminding you that they are there lol (which is in a strange way comforting too)

10) You will sleep for Ireland and then you'll sleep for all other countries you can think of too!

11) You will become strangely emotional...at weird shit...like adverts which have nothing remotely to do with children, family or anything sentimental what-so-ever!

12) You will sometimes feel like you're the only pregnant gal in the village, whilst your friends are out partying and 'having it large!' Don't get mad at them, they have no idea your sitting at home nursing at camomile tea, dreaming of bottles of Prosecco and remember even if you were out with them, you'd be half asleep lol!

13) You will be bored..there's only so much sitting in one can take!- Hence why you will find willy shaped carrots highly amusing! lol

14) You will count down the pregnancy in occasions, such as, 'Ah I'll not be having a tipple on my birthday, Mummys 60th Birthday, Halloween, Christmas, Daddy's 60th birthday, the NEW YEAR!!!!' Oh God! "

15) Did I mention YOU WILL MISS THE ALCOHOL!!!!???

16) You'll get strangely attached to your bump, despite the little man/woman reaking havoc with your body, you weirdly know that means they're going great guns in there, and that they're potentially just as stubborn as they're old Ma...and really I suppose 9 months ain't that long in the grand scheme of things! (ahem...really?????? only 3 and half to go!!!!)

 

So I think that'll do it for now! See you in another couple of months! 

 

Rosemary (The Pink Haired Gal who just so happens to be Pregnant too!)

 

 

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